Sequels and more sequels

Since it is latest fashion in Bollywood to turn films into a franchise or at least make a sequel or two, here come my thoughts on three of them....

Dhoom

Directed by: Sanjay Gandhvi

Starring: Abhishek Bachchan, John Abraham, Uday Chopra, Esha Deol, Rimi Sen

Released: 2004

Verdict: destroy every copy ? horrible ? bad ? whatever ? flawed but enjoyable - good ? great ? amazing

At first I thought it was a film made for less talented star relatives, but thankfully it turned out quite well. Abhishek was really good, which in his case is rather rare, but I just did not believe John to be the bad guy. He is a chocolate boy who looks like a lollipop macho, but he is as evil as a tomato soup. This was my first encounter with Uday Chopra, and he suited the role perfectly, and it was also my first encounter with Esha Deol. In her case all Hema Malini?s genes concentrated on making the daughter looks like an exact copy of her mother, but failed in transferring charm and screen presence (forget talent). What I liked the most was probably the editing (except for the scene near the end when Abhishek and John are coming out of the casino when the constant "BOOM and close up on them looking at each other" was used annoyingly often). The story lacked both the investigation process and the planning of the cons, which quite frankly bothered me a bit. I was always just presented the final result without seeing any development - which in cop films like this one are just necessary. Dhoom is primarily a guy?s film - by guys for guys. Full of motorbikes and skinshow

Dhoom 2

Directed by: Sanjay Gandhvi

Starring: Hrithik Roshan, Aishwarya Rai, Abhishek Bachchan, Uday Chopra, Bipasha Basu

Released: 2006

Verdict: destroy every copy ? horrible ? bad ? whatever ? flawed but enjoyable - good ? great ? amazing

From the first second it was clear that this Dhoom is more polished. More fancy. And much, oh so much more stupid. I have a great tolerance to the physically impossible displays of awesomeness, but what is much is too much as we say in Czech. Abhishek and Uday are still both very much stuck in the first Dhoom and have not made any progress altogether on any level at all. Hrithik didn?t have any impact on me ? his Filmfare for this reamins the biggest Filmfare joke ever. Bipasha - why was she in this film? She has TWO roles and both are absolutely needless. I was sorry for Aishwarya, because she was just bad, and I know she can do so much better. Her beauty was burried under a THICK layer of very unflattering make-up and Crazy Kiya Re has to be the most overrated song in history of Bollywood. "Why are you wasting your incredible dancing skills?!" line was swirling in my head all the time watching it. The music overally is pretty weak (excep tfor the Dhoom theme which has already appeared in the first film) and the final nail into its coffin hammer the English lyrics, that in this case just do not work. Whatever the suspence in the first Dhoom, there is absolutely none in this. And I cannot help but wonder WHY in the world is this going to have another sequel.

Housefull

Directed by: Sajid Khan

Starring: Akshay Kumar, Deepika Padukone, Riteish Deshmukh, Lara Dutta, Arjun Rampal, Boman Irani, Chunky Pandey

Released: 2010

Verdict: destroy every copy ? horrible ? bad ? whatever ? flawed but enjoyable - good ? great ? amazing

I can?t believe I?m saying this but most of it I actually enjoyed. Not liked. Enjoyed. Anyway it is definitely a bad film, and though the skin show is not ever present it has a somehow sleazy feel throughout. The showstealers were Boman Irani and Chunky Pandey, and I one of the reasons I enjoyed the movie was Lara Dutta (the woman is just not in enough films!). The story is next to none, there is just one big mess of a confusion given by switching multiple partners according to situation.

Housefull 2

Directed by: Sajid Khan

Starring: Akshay Kumar, John Abraham, Rishi Kapoor, Randhir Kapoor, Mithun Chakraborthy, Riteish Deshmukh, Asin, Jacqueline Fernandez, Shreyas Talpade, Zarine Khan

Released: 2012

Verdict: destroy every copy ? horrible ? bad ? whatever ? flawed but enjoyable - good ? great ? amazing

Indeed the house was full from basement to the roof. Sequels are rarely met with such a good response, but Housefull 2 did more than well and after a series of flops Akshay Kumar returned from the oblivion. There is not much different from the first film. The plot and the jokes are yet again based on loads of lies and partner changes, just unlike last time Akshay is not an innocent fool but a cunning kamina. Truly, housefull 2 brings nothing new to town, except a really delightful on screen meeting of Rishi and Randhir Kapoor as two brothers who hate each other, but have many things in common. There are way too many damn characters to remember and way too many damn deceptions to really keep a track, but to be honest I found the over the top unlikely situations absolutely hilarious ? and credit goes more to the art of the actors than anything else. Seven women in the story (two mothers, four girlfriends and a dancer) have absolutely nothing to do, and womenfolk is pretty much presented as kind of dumb, but all the men are just splendid in their comedy (I especially need to mention to I-am-a-joking Chunky Pandey as Aakhri Pasta). More than a sequel it is a upgraded version of the previous movie and definitely the funniest film of the whole first half of 2012.

Dhamaal

Directed by: Indra Kumar

Starring: Sanjay Dutt, Arshad Warsi, Riteish Deshmukh, Javed Jaffrey

Released: 2007

Verdict: destroy every copy ? horrible ? bad ? whatever ? flawed but enjoyable - good ? great ? amazing

The OTT is so Indra Kumar... However in all that OTT there is heart somewhere. True enough, I was not able to finish this at one go, because it would give me headache after a while, but I kept returning to it till without regrets. It was amusing, though not exactly hilarious. I could have done without the stupid souds indicating that "this was funny", seriously in a film like this (meaning FULL of silly jokes) we wouldn?t have missed that the joke already happened. I must admit I was genuinly teary-eyed in the end.... Sanjay Dutt was made for such roles. He was awesome and by far the most funny of them all, without making faces and talking rubbish. My love for Riteish was justified yet again, loved him as well. Fine timepass.

Double Dhamaal

Directed by: Indra Kumar

Starring: Sanjay Dutt, Arshad Warsi, Riteish Deshmukh, Javed Jaffrey, Mallika Sherawat, Kangana Ranaut

Released: 2011

Verdict: destroy every copy ? horrible ? bad ? whatever ? flawed but enjoyable - good ? great ? amazing

Yet another story of four not that brilliant guys trying to get rich quickly and without work. As much as I enjoyed the first one, this one is not as half as funny and also lacks all the heartwarming moments. In fact the only fun and simles I had came in the last hour. This time it?s not Sanjay Dutt, but Ritesh Deshmunk who takes the cake for the best performance, his "Tukya" was purely hilarious! I?m almost ashamed to say I found Mallika Sherawat much more natural and bearable then Kangana, who, to be honest, is starting to annoy me really bad. All in all there is LOTS of OTT Indra Kumar style (as usual and expected), and way too many references to other films actually take away from the wit.  

Umrao Jaan

Directed by: J. P. Dutta

Starring: Aishwarya Rai, Abhishek Bachchan, Suniel Shetty, Shabana Azmi, Divya Dutta

Released: 2006

Verdict: destroy every copy ? horrible ? bad ? whatever ? flawed but enjoyable - good ? great ? amazing

A story of life of a courtesan transformed from literature into a film that indeed feels like a lifetime. That long and that tiring. And so much concerned about the visual part, about how overwhelmingly pretty everything has to look, that it forgets to bring out emotions, fails to invest the viewer into the heroine?s plight. And since that is essential for quite a non-happening story as the one of Umrao Jaan, the movie stands only for tedious wanna-be try at epicness.

Not much is added to the famous story of a girl kidnapped from her family and sold into a brothel, where she grows up into a stunning and talented tawaif, capturing attention and affection of Nawab Sultan. Even this time the love story is doomed. Compared to the 1981 version with Rekha (the comparisms are simply bound to happen) the story is actually even simpler (not a good decision), leaving out the sub-plots involving a fellow tawaif Bismilah, as well as Umrao?s flight from the brothel to live by herself, and sadly also one of the most bitter twists of a similarly kidnapped girl becoming Sultan?s wife. All we are left with are 3 hours of pining after Nawab and crying without end. Indeed, this Umrao Jaan is not much of a company to anyone except one guy.

Truth is that the whole film is really just a passionate love-affair with Aishwarya Rai?s face. Wintin every five minutes there would be a lingering close-up, obsessing about her eyes opening slowly, closing slowly or staring without a blink, and 80% of the time tears would be flowing from them. Indeed she looks stunning throughout, no matter if she is wearing a bejewelled outfit or a simple one, and to be fair her beauty is definitely not the only contributing factor she provides. Aishwarya suits these roles. The Devdas and Jodhaa Akbra ones. She suited this one as well and her performance, even though unnecessary teary, is among her better ones. Her dialogue delivery in this is very good. But still, the seemingly endless dialogues that sometimes last for five or even more minutes, make the viewer impatient and bored. The script and the way story is crafted doesn?t help Aishwarya to connect and invite the audience into her heart and soul, where we could possibly feel with her ? something Rekha did so effortlessly in 1981.

While Aishwarya is let down by the script, but otherwise fits, her beloved Nawab Abhishek looks like he found himself on the sets by mistake. There is nothing even remotely regal or dignified about him, and overal his besotted lover act feels thanda. He and Aish make the cutest off-screen couple, but camera is not really nice to them when it comes to chemistry. The relationship seems a bit forced really, with hardly any base. On what did the love grow one has to wonder.

Suniel Shetty as fierce and mysterious Faizal Ali fares better. The character of Gohar Mirza, played back in the day by one and only Naseeruddin Shah, remains unmatched. The young man in this version doesn?t really have the sneakiness or cunningness, and his feelings for Umrao are ? as many other things in this ? very much simplified and he thus becomes a lot less important. Shabana Azmi and Divya Dutta both give good performances, which is, after all, expected of both of the talented ladies. Also Ayesha Jhulka, an almost forgotten heroine of the 90s, makes a brief appearnce and is lovely.

A big part of Umrao Jaan are the songs, however the film does not deliver in this department either. Apart from ?Salaam?, all other melodies and lyrics blend into one, none stands out and all are forgettable. Picturization leaves a lot to be desired as well, that in spite of Aishwarya being a superb dancer. Choreography concentrates way too much on the hands and neglects the rest of the body (I am no expert, and even I can tell the choreographer did not really have much of an idea what to do), relying, like much of the film, on Aishwarya?s beauty to distract the viewer and detract the attention from anything that may not be good enough. Does this strategy work? To an extent. Mrs. Bachchan is more than easy on the eyes. Unfortunately in the end not even that is sufficient to save the film from sinking into oblivion of your mind, where it by all mean belongs.

Dhoom 3

Directed by: Vijay Krishna Acharya

Starring: Aamir Khan, Abhishek Bachchan, Katrina Kaif, Uday Chopra, Jackie Shroff

Released: 2013

My rating: destroy every copy ? horrible ? bad ? whatever ? flawed but enjoyable - shitastic - good ? great ? amazing

I feel that after this film I need to add one more word into my rating ? SHITASTIC. Because that is the only way how to describe how awesome and awful Dhoom 3 is (maybe I should call it ?awesful??). I thought the first movie of the franchise decent, the second absolutely horrendous. And this one just bloody ridiculous. But given I had my brain boiled by intense studying and was in a desperate need of letting everything just go for a moment, I ended up enjoying this first class trash to the fullest.

Uday Sparrow.

First of all, I made a mistake listing the cast above. The correct order should be: Aamir Khan, Aamir Khan, supported by Aamir Khan, a bike, Aamir Khan, and some extras. What makes it a part of Dhoom franchise is not Jai and Ali, a duo of idiotic cops, but bikes doing mad shit and story so questionable you cannot take any bit of it seriously. It is not a masala film in that slightly rustic 80s style (that needs to die a quick death for the sake of humanity), it looks way more polished, almost slick, almost like a good movie. But then of course bikes ride on ropes and rickshaws break through numerous brick walls, and American police calls for help two of the most incompetent Indian cops who have screwed up every big case in the past. And by the time the big twist comes you have guessed already, but Jai Dixit has not.

Suddenly..... diorrhea.

Unlike previous Dhoom, which was just totally random, Aamir ? as Sahir AND Samar, is given a backstory. All the silliness that happens has a certain motivation, which at least gives it a frame, that kinda holds it all together. There is no shit (am using this word often in this review, am I not?) love story that would make you roll your eyes and wish the lovers dead already. On the other hand it is all about robbing a bank and yet not once you see the bank robbed (huh?), but the makers try to make up for it with ENDLESS bike/car chases that always end up with Aamir?s magical bike pulling off some magic trick. The circus showed in the prologue (which interestingly feels like something from the 20s instead of the year 1990) provides just really secondary magic tricks (no wonder the bank was not impressed), the new circus Aamir launches seems to have ONE show number that goes on every night and forever.

But I guess nobody cares about the reruns. As long as Ms. Kaif is wearing only glitter.

Aamir Khan has a constipated expression as Sahir and his act as Samar is actually painful. The film entirely belong to him still, even if his bulging muscles make him move rather uncomfortably. Abhishek Bachchan sports a frowned brow and grim stare all the time, it is obvious the makers had no idea what to do with him. Any random cop could have provoke the exact same things from Sahir and the character of Jai is really no longer required. As for Uday Chopra, he is in because everybody needs a sidekick they can pester and Jai ain?t no different. 

No clever caption. I just loved her hair.

Katrina Kaif has about 20 minutes in the film (that already includes 3 songs). She fits the role. She is quite cute and no acting histrionics are required anyway. Dhoom girl is about sex appeal, good looks and glamour, all of which she provides generously, and for the first time ever I truly appreciated her dancing. She was REALLY good, and only few bits of choreography made her look awkward. Most importnatly her character does not refer to herself in third person (Sunehri was really pissing me off with this in Dhoom 2. Like who the hell does that?) It felt good to see Jackie Shroff in his cameo, he was reliable as always, although his character was one whacko of a ?loving? father.

I set fire to the box! Bow down to my magic, bitches!

Songs blend in well with the film ? the best one by far is Malang. All that money they put into picturization definitely paid of. The number is SPECTACULAR and must have been amazing to experience on big screen. On the other hand Aamir Khan should apologize for that tap dance in the beginning. Camera work is beautiful, and the only technical aspect that was not up to mark were special effects. The amount of cars crashed and flying through the air must have made Rohit Shetty green with envy.

Dhoom 3 is definitely the best of the horrible franchise. It is awful but extremely entertaining. So bad it?s good. All glamour, no substance or logic. And apparently every criminal prefers to throw themselves off the cliff rather than be arrested by Jai Dixit.

Do you think he charged producer twice?

Sequels and more sequels

Since it is latest fashion in Bollywood to turn films into a franchise or at least make a sequel or two, here come my thoughts on three of them....

Dhoom

Directed by: Sanjay Gandhvi

Starring: Abhishek Bachchan, John Abraham, Uday Chopra, Esha Deol, Rimi Sen

Released: 2004

Verdict: destroy every copy ? horrible ? bad ? whatever ? flawed but enjoyable - good ? great ? amazing

At first I thought it was a film made for less talented star relatives, but thankfully it turned out quite well. Abhishek was really good, which in his case is rather rare, but I just did not believe John to be the bad guy. He is a chocolate boy who looks like a lollipop macho, but he is as evil as a tomato soup. This was my first encounter with Uday Chopra, and he suited the role perfectly, and it was also my first encounter with Esha Deol. In her case all Hema Malini?s genes concentrated on making the daughter looks like an exact copy of her mother, but failed in transferring charm and screen presence (forget talent). What I liked the most was probably the editing (except for the scene near the end when Abhishek and John are coming out of the casino when the constant "BOOM and close up on them looking at each other" was used annoyingly often). The story lacked both the investigation process and the planning of the cons, which quite frankly bothered me a bit. I was always just presented the final result without seeing any development - which in cop films like this one are just necessary. Dhoom is primarily a guy?s film - by guys for guys. Full of motorbikes and skinshow

Dhoom 2

Directed by: Sanjay Gandhvi

Starring: Hrithik Roshan, Aishwarya Rai, Abhishek Bachchan, Uday Chopra, Bipasha Basu

Released: 2006

Verdict: destroy every copy ? horrible ? bad ? whatever ? flawed but enjoyable - good ? great ? amazing

From the first second it was clear that this Dhoom is more polished. More fancy. And much, oh so much more stupid. I have a great tolerance to the physically impossible displays of awesomeness, but what is much is too much as we say in Czech. Abhishek and Uday are still both very much stuck in the first Dhoom and have not made any progress altogether on any level at all. Hrithik didn?t have any impact on me ? his Filmfare for this reamins the biggest Filmfare joke ever. Bipasha - why was she in this film? She has TWO roles and both are absolutely needless. I was sorry for Aishwarya, because she was just bad, and I know she can do so much better. Her beauty was burried under a THICK layer of very unflattering make-up and Crazy Kiya Re has to be the most overrated song in history of Bollywood. "Why are you wasting your incredible dancing skills?!" line was swirling in my head all the time watching it. The music overally is pretty weak (excep tfor the Dhoom theme which has already appeared in the first film) and the final nail into its coffin hammer the English lyrics, that in this case just do not work. Whatever the suspence in the first Dhoom, there is absolutely none in this. And I cannot help but wonder WHY in the world is this going to have another sequel.

Housefull

Directed by: Sajid Khan

Starring: Akshay Kumar, Deepika Padukone, Riteish Deshmukh, Lara Dutta, Arjun Rampal, Boman Irani, Chunky Pandey

Released: 2010

Verdict: destroy every copy ? horrible ? bad ? whatever ? flawed but enjoyable - good ? great ? amazing

I can?t believe I?m saying this but most of it I actually enjoyed. Not liked. Enjoyed. Anyway it is definitely a bad film, and though the skin show is not ever present it has a somehow sleazy feel throughout. The showstealers were Boman Irani and Chunky Pandey, and I one of the reasons I enjoyed the movie was Lara Dutta (the woman is just not in enough films!). The story is next to none, there is just one big mess of a confusion given by switching multiple partners according to situation.

Housefull 2

Directed by: Sajid Khan

Starring: Akshay Kumar, John Abraham, Rishi Kapoor, Randhir Kapoor, Mithun Chakraborthy, Riteish Deshmukh, Asin, Jacqueline Fernandez, Shreyas Talpade, Zarine Khan

Released: 2012

Verdict: destroy every copy ? horrible ? bad ? whatever ? flawed but enjoyable - good ? great ? amazing

Indeed the house was full from basement to the roof. Sequels are rarely met with such a good response, but Housefull 2 did more than well and after a series of flops Akshay Kumar returned from the oblivion. There is not much different from the first film. The plot and the jokes are yet again based on loads of lies and partner changes, just unlike last time Akshay is not an innocent fool but a cunning kamina. Truly, housefull 2 brings nothing new to town, except a really delightful on screen meeting of Rishi and Randhir Kapoor as two brothers who hate each other, but have many things in common. There are way too many damn characters to remember and way too many damn deceptions to really keep a track, but to be honest I found the over the top unlikely situations absolutely hilarious ? and credit goes more to the art of the actors than anything else. Seven women in the story (two mothers, four girlfriends and a dancer) have absolutely nothing to do, and womenfolk is pretty much presented as kind of dumb, but all the men are just splendid in their comedy (I especially need to mention to I-am-a-joking Chunky Pandey as Aakhri Pasta). More than a sequel it is a upgraded version of the previous movie and definitely the funniest film of the whole first half of 2012.

Dhamaal

Directed by: Indra Kumar

Starring: Sanjay Dutt, Arshad Warsi, Riteish Deshmukh, Javed Jaffrey

Released: 2007

Verdict: destroy every copy ? horrible ? bad ? whatever ? flawed but enjoyable - good ? great ? amazing

The OTT is so Indra Kumar... However in all that OTT there is heart somewhere. True enough, I was not able to finish this at one go, because it would give me headache after a while, but I kept returning to it till without regrets. It was amusing, though not exactly hilarious. I could have done without the stupid souds indicating that "this was funny", seriously in a film like this (meaning FULL of silly jokes) we wouldn?t have missed that the joke already happened. I must admit I was genuinly teary-eyed in the end.... Sanjay Dutt was made for such roles. He was awesome and by far the most funny of them all, without making faces and talking rubbish. My love for Riteish was justified yet again, loved him as well. Fine timepass.

Double Dhamaal

Directed by: Indra Kumar

Starring: Sanjay Dutt, Arshad Warsi, Riteish Deshmukh, Javed Jaffrey, Mallika Sherawat, Kangana Ranaut

Released: 2011

Verdict: destroy every copy ? horrible ? bad ? whatever ? flawed but enjoyable - good ? great ? amazing

Yet another story of four not that brilliant guys trying to get rich quickly and without work. As much as I enjoyed the first one, this one is not as half as funny and also lacks all the heartwarming moments. In fact the only fun and simles I had came in the last hour. This time it?s not Sanjay Dutt, but Ritesh Deshmunk who takes the cake for the best performance, his "Tukya" was purely hilarious! I?m almost ashamed to say I found Mallika Sherawat much more natural and bearable then Kangana, who, to be honest, is starting to annoy me really bad. All in all there is LOTS of OTT Indra Kumar style (as usual and expected), and way too many references to other films actually take away from the wit.  

Umrao Jaan

Directed by: J. P. Dutta

Starring: Aishwarya Rai, Abhishek Bachchan, Suniel Shetty, Shabana Azmi, Divya Dutta

Released: 2006

Verdict: destroy every copy ? horrible ? bad ? whatever ? flawed but enjoyable - good ? great ? amazing

A story of life of a courtesan transformed from literature into a film that indeed feels like a lifetime. That long and that tiring. And so much concerned about the visual part, about how overwhelmingly pretty everything has to look, that it forgets to bring out emotions, fails to invest the viewer into the heroine?s plight. And since that is essential for quite a non-happening story as the one of Umrao Jaan, the movie stands only for tedious wanna-be try at epicness.

Not much is added to the famous story of a girl kidnapped from her family and sold into a brothel, where she grows up into a stunning and talented tawaif, capturing attention and affection of Nawab Sultan. Even this time the love story is doomed. Compared to the 1981 version with Rekha (the comparisms are simply bound to happen) the story is actually even simpler (not a good decision), leaving out the sub-plots involving a fellow tawaif Bismilah, as well as Umrao?s flight from the brothel to live by herself, and sadly also one of the most bitter twists of a similarly kidnapped girl becoming Sultan?s wife. All we are left with are 3 hours of pining after Nawab and crying without end. Indeed, this Umrao Jaan is not much of a company to anyone except one guy.

Truth is that the whole film is really just a passionate love-affair with Aishwarya Rai?s face. Wintin every five minutes there would be a lingering close-up, obsessing about her eyes opening slowly, closing slowly or staring without a blink, and 80% of the time tears would be flowing from them. Indeed she looks stunning throughout, no matter if she is wearing a bejewelled outfit or a simple one, and to be fair her beauty is definitely not the only contributing factor she provides. Aishwarya suits these roles. The Devdas and Jodhaa Akbra ones. She suited this one as well and her performance, even though unnecessary teary, is among her better ones. Her dialogue delivery in this is very good. But still, the seemingly endless dialogues that sometimes last for five or even more minutes, make the viewer impatient and bored. The script and the way story is crafted doesn?t help Aishwarya to connect and invite the audience into her heart and soul, where we could possibly feel with her ? something Rekha did so effortlessly in 1981.

While Aishwarya is let down by the script, but otherwise fits, her beloved Nawab Abhishek looks like he found himself on the sets by mistake. There is nothing even remotely regal or dignified about him, and overal his besotted lover act feels thanda. He and Aish make the cutest off-screen couple, but camera is not really nice to them when it comes to chemistry. The relationship seems a bit forced really, with hardly any base. On what did the love grow one has to wonder.

Suniel Shetty as fierce and mysterious Faizal Ali fares better. The character of Gohar Mirza, played back in the day by one and only Naseeruddin Shah, remains unmatched. The young man in this version doesn?t really have the sneakiness or cunningness, and his feelings for Umrao are ? as many other things in this ? very much simplified and he thus becomes a lot less important. Shabana Azmi and Divya Dutta both give good performances, which is, after all, expected of both of the talented ladies. Also Ayesha Jhulka, an almost forgotten heroine of the 90s, makes a brief appearnce and is lovely.

A big part of Umrao Jaan are the songs, however the film does not deliver in this department either. Apart from ?Salaam?, all other melodies and lyrics blend into one, none stands out and all are forgettable. Picturization leaves a lot to be desired as well, that in spite of Aishwarya being a superb dancer. Choreography concentrates way too much on the hands and neglects the rest of the body (I am no expert, and even I can tell the choreographer did not really have much of an idea what to do), relying, like much of the film, on Aishwarya?s beauty to distract the viewer and detract the attention from anything that may not be good enough. Does this strategy work? To an extent. Mrs. Bachchan is more than easy on the eyes. Unfortunately in the end not even that is sufficient to save the film from sinking into oblivion of your mind, where it by all mean belongs.

Dhoom 3

Directed by: Vijay Krishna Acharya

Starring: Aamir Khan, Abhishek Bachchan, Katrina Kaif, Uday Chopra, Jackie Shroff

Released: 2013

My rating: destroy every copy ? horrible ? bad ? whatever ? flawed but enjoyable - shitastic - good ? great ? amazing

I feel that after this film I need to add one more word into my rating ? SHITASTIC. Because that is the only way how to describe how awesome and awful Dhoom 3 is (maybe I should call it ?awesful??). I thought the first movie of the franchise decent, the second absolutely horrendous. And this one just bloody ridiculous. But given I had my brain boiled by intense studying and was in a desperate need of letting everything just go for a moment, I ended up enjoying this first class trash to the fullest.

Uday Sparrow.

First of all, I made a mistake listing the cast above. The correct order should be: Aamir Khan, Aamir Khan, supported by Aamir Khan, a bike, Aamir Khan, and some extras. What makes it a part of Dhoom franchise is not Jai and Ali, a duo of idiotic cops, but bikes doing mad shit and story so questionable you cannot take any bit of it seriously. It is not a masala film in that slightly rustic 80s style (that needs to die a quick death for the sake of humanity), it looks way more polished, almost slick, almost like a good movie. But then of course bikes ride on ropes and rickshaws break through numerous brick walls, and American police calls for help two of the most incompetent Indian cops who have screwed up every big case in the past. And by the time the big twist comes you have guessed already, but Jai Dixit has not.

Suddenly..... diorrhea.

Unlike previous Dhoom, which was just totally random, Aamir ? as Sahir AND Samar, is given a backstory. All the silliness that happens has a certain motivation, which at least gives it a frame, that kinda holds it all together. There is no shit (am using this word often in this review, am I not?) love story that would make you roll your eyes and wish the lovers dead already. On the other hand it is all about robbing a bank and yet not once you see the bank robbed (huh?), but the makers try to make up for it with ENDLESS bike/car chases that always end up with Aamir?s magical bike pulling off some magic trick. The circus showed in the prologue (which interestingly feels like something from the 20s instead of the year 1990) provides just really secondary magic tricks (no wonder the bank was not impressed), the new circus Aamir launches seems to have ONE show number that goes on every night and forever.

But I guess nobody cares about the reruns. As long as Ms. Kaif is wearing only glitter.

Aamir Khan has a constipated expression as Sahir and his act as Samar is actually painful. The film entirely belong to him still, even if his bulging muscles make him move rather uncomfortably. Abhishek Bachchan sports a frowned brow and grim stare all the time, it is obvious the makers had no idea what to do with him. Any random cop could have provoke the exact same things from Sahir and the character of Jai is really no longer required. As for Uday Chopra, he is in because everybody needs a sidekick they can pester and Jai ain?t no different. 

No clever caption. I just loved her hair.

Katrina Kaif has about 20 minutes in the film (that already includes 3 songs). She fits the role. She is quite cute and no acting histrionics are required anyway. Dhoom girl is about sex appeal, good looks and glamour, all of which she provides generously, and for the first time ever I truly appreciated her dancing. She was REALLY good, and only few bits of choreography made her look awkward. Most importnatly her character does not refer to herself in third person (Sunehri was really pissing me off with this in Dhoom 2. Like who the hell does that?) It felt good to see Jackie Shroff in his cameo, he was reliable as always, although his character was one whacko of a ?loving? father.

I set fire to the box! Bow down to my magic, bitches!

Songs blend in well with the film ? the best one by far is Malang. All that money they put into picturization definitely paid of. The number is SPECTACULAR and must have been amazing to experience on big screen. On the other hand Aamir Khan should apologize for that tap dance in the beginning. Camera work is beautiful, and the only technical aspect that was not up to mark were special effects. The amount of cars crashed and flying through the air must have made Rohit Shetty green with envy.

Dhoom 3 is definitely the best of the horrible franchise. It is awful but extremely entertaining. So bad it?s good. All glamour, no substance or logic. And apparently every criminal prefers to throw themselves off the cliff rather than be arrested by Jai Dixit.

Do you think he charged producer twice?