Dhoom 3

Directed by: Vijay Krishna Acharya

Starring: Aamir Khan, Abhishek Bachchan, Katrina Kaif, Uday Chopra, Jackie Shroff

Released: 2013

My rating: destroy every copy ? horrible ? bad ? whatever ? flawed but enjoyable - shitastic - good ? great ? amazing

I feel that after this film I need to add one more word into my rating ? SHITASTIC. Because that is the only way how to describe how awesome and awful Dhoom 3 is (maybe I should call it ?awesful??). I thought the first movie of the franchise decent, the second absolutely horrendous. And this one just bloody ridiculous. But given I had my brain boiled by intense studying and was in a desperate need of letting everything just go for a moment, I ended up enjoying this first class trash to the fullest.

Uday Sparrow.

First of all, I made a mistake listing the cast above. The correct order should be: Aamir Khan, Aamir Khan, supported by Aamir Khan, a bike, Aamir Khan, and some extras. What makes it a part of Dhoom franchise is not Jai and Ali, a duo of idiotic cops, but bikes doing mad shit and story so questionable you cannot take any bit of it seriously. It is not a masala film in that slightly rustic 80s style (that needs to die a quick death for the sake of humanity), it looks way more polished, almost slick, almost like a good movie. But then of course bikes ride on ropes and rickshaws break through numerous brick walls, and American police calls for help two of the most incompetent Indian cops who have screwed up every big case in the past. And by the time the big twist comes you have guessed already, but Jai Dixit has not.

Suddenly..... diorrhea.

Unlike previous Dhoom, which was just totally random, Aamir ? as Sahir AND Samar, is given a backstory. All the silliness that happens has a certain motivation, which at least gives it a frame, that kinda holds it all together. There is no shit (am using this word often in this review, am I not?) love story that would make you roll your eyes and wish the lovers dead already. On the other hand it is all about robbing a bank and yet not once you see the bank robbed (huh?), but the makers try to make up for it with ENDLESS bike/car chases that always end up with Aamir?s magical bike pulling off some magic trick. The circus showed in the prologue (which interestingly feels like something from the 20s instead of the year 1990) provides just really secondary magic tricks (no wonder the bank was not impressed), the new circus Aamir launches seems to have ONE show number that goes on every night and forever.

But I guess nobody cares about the reruns. As long as Ms. Kaif is wearing only glitter.

Aamir Khan has a constipated expression as Sahir and his act as Samar is actually painful. The film entirely belong to him still, even if his bulging muscles make him move rather uncomfortably. Abhishek Bachchan sports a frowned brow and grim stare all the time, it is obvious the makers had no idea what to do with him. Any random cop could have provoke the exact same things from Sahir and the character of Jai is really no longer required. As for Uday Chopra, he is in because everybody needs a sidekick they can pester and Jai ain?t no different. 

No clever caption. I just loved her hair.

Katrina Kaif has about 20 minutes in the film (that already includes 3 songs). She fits the role. She is quite cute and no acting histrionics are required anyway. Dhoom girl is about sex appeal, good looks and glamour, all of which she provides generously, and for the first time ever I truly appreciated her dancing. She was REALLY good, and only few bits of choreography made her look awkward. Most importnatly her character does not refer to herself in third person (Sunehri was really pissing me off with this in Dhoom 2. Like who the hell does that?) It felt good to see Jackie Shroff in his cameo, he was reliable as always, although his character was one whacko of a ?loving? father.

I set fire to the box! Bow down to my magic, bitches!

Songs blend in well with the film ? the best one by far is Malang. All that money they put into picturization definitely paid of. The number is SPECTACULAR and must have been amazing to experience on big screen. On the other hand Aamir Khan should apologize for that tap dance in the beginning. Camera work is beautiful, and the only technical aspect that was not up to mark were special effects. The amount of cars crashed and flying through the air must have made Rohit Shetty green with envy.

Dhoom 3 is definitely the best of the horrible franchise. It is awful but extremely entertaining. So bad it?s good. All glamour, no substance or logic. And apparently every criminal prefers to throw themselves off the cliff rather than be arrested by Jai Dixit.

Do you think he charged producer twice?

PK

Directed by: Rajkumar Hirani

Starring: Aamir Khan, Anushka Sharma, Saurabh Shukla, Boman Irani, Sanjay Dutt

Released: 2014

My rating: destroy every copy ? horrible ? bad ? whatever ? flawed but enjoyable - good ? great ? amazing

I love Raju Hirani and his films. They are cheeky, provokative, yet essentially ?good at heart?, working with characters that go easily over the top, but still remain believable. Even if they are an alien, and even if the same faces have been used by the same director in his previous ventures, as figures very much unforgettable.

PK share much of its features with both E.T. and OMG Oh My God (starring Paresh Rawal and Akshay Kumar, and which I hear was also a take on some English film), so while this time it is not about being innovative and original, it is still about skillful filmmaking and cinema which can both entertain and educate. Certainly we should be grateful when a film like PK becomes a massive hit, instead of the mindless masala, at least once upon a time. Also thank God (the asli wala) that the film stayed away from much of romantic moping or emotional revelations, which would inevitably slowed the narrative down (It was not about romantic love anyway, so why dilute it.)

Aamir Khan gives a commendable performance, and while the biggest strength of PK is in the way his dialogues have been written more than anything, when his extravagant weirdness stops bothering you after a while, he slips into the role effortlessly. Anushka Sharma is a natural performer and one gets happy just seeing her twinkling eyes. Whatever she has been doing with the lower part of her face is completely her business and I do not judge her for it, but yes, I must admit in some scenes her mouth area was as distracting as Katrina?s lips in Jab Tak Hai Jaan. Saurabh Shukla appears and makes quite an impression as a mean religious leader, while the erst of the cast divide some special appearances. Boman Irani, I felt, got the mean deal. Given he has been such a power in Hirani?s previous movies, here he has nothing to work with at all. Sanjay Dutt is funny, and his shocking demise.... well.... shocking to say the least. The special appearance by Ranbir Kapoor at the end would have been an extremely pleasant surprise, had it not good friend tumblr ruined it for me just days after the film release.

PK, unfortunately, does not reach the higher than high standards set by Hirani himself with his previous films (namely 3 Idiots and above all Munnabhai MBBS). Half-an-hour-too-long, while it carries a fantastic message, it lacks any true drama to drive the plot. One feels for PK, but there is not a single moment when one would not expect him to return home eventually. Finally, the last twenty minutes seem sloppy. The whole explanation of ?how maybe Sarfaraaz probably did not ditch you ever thought of that? felt forced and over-constructed (does this word even exist?). Also, if you have a huge lasting fight over religion on national TV, there should be a grand conclusion, but the viewer is robbed of the experience, as the climax remains underplayed and underwhelming. Few times I also had to remind myself to be tolerant when it came to a fine line between humour and crude humour, without which Hirani seemingly cannot do (though I admit the dancing car was funny). The movie lacks memorable soundtrack.

When it comes of the specific theme of religion and how it became a big money spinning business, Rawal?s OMG remains superior. PK is more cute, with a hero and heroine more to the mainstream tastes, and on a grander scale. It carries the Raju Hirani signature: it is light-hearted, funny yet touching, all that just somehow little less than usual.

Mann

Directed by: Indra Kumar

Starring: Aamir Khan, Manisha Koirala, Anil Kapoor, Sharmila Tagore

Released: 1999

My rating: destroy every copy ? horrible ? bad ? whatever ? flawed but enjoyable - good ? great ? amazing

I sincerely, honestly believe that the ONLY thing that ever made indra Kumar?s films work was Madhuri Dixit. Apart from Dil, which I consider a good film, even if flawed, Beta and Raja were only bearable because of her awesomeness and talent, and everything after that I have seen of his work just plain sucks. Mann is no different.

I write poetry in my spare time. Love me.

There is so much wrong with the plot! A severely mopy Sati Savitri Manisha falls in love with a cheater and a liar because he loves his grandmom. Because him being able to appreciate the old lady equals, in Manisha?s eyes, to being a good person. In fact, the character played by Aamir Khan is repulsive, unlikeable asshole and womanizer, who enjoys being creepy. The lengths he goes to while ?wooing? women would get him a restraining order in real life. Yet she falls in love with him, is jealous of girls he pays attention to, even though she has rejected him before. By the time the movie reached the interval I was ripping my hair out of frustration and sheer disbelief. Then the asshole-ish hero turns good and full of izzat overnight. How am I supposed to buy that?

"What the..."

"Do I turn you on?"

"Totally!"

In the second half of the film we are served a completely different story. That of selfless love and that you should look around before crossing the road. Manisha?s face is all swollen throughout and her glycerin-tears-stained cheeks can only be equaled by Jaya Bachchan?s from Kabhi Khusi Kabhi Ghum. Because our heroine lost both her legs! From extreme ?hilarity? the movie sinks into extreme depression, and everything is so theatrical you just wonder what has the director do to make all these good actors act so terribly. 

So hot.

I was irked by so many things in the story, but the greatest outrage was perhaps when Manisha admits to the headmistress of the orphanage (where she had grown up) that she doesn?t want to marry the cheerful and genuinely nice Anil Kapoor (whom I did not expect in the least to show up), because she loves the womanizing stalker. She is then lectured on how she has no right whatsoever to follow her heart and be actually honest with her fianc?, because, you know, there is a chance he just might turn into a lunatic and go crazy because of that. And also: certainly, if she dares to refuse him, nobody will ever marry a girl from an orphanage again. Like WTF.

"Was my moustache not pervy enough for you, biatch?"

Aamir Khan is at his annoying worst (I think I read he regretted doing the film? It would definitely make sense.) Manisha looks disturbingly ill, I had to wonder whether she had some issues with her health off screen. Comedy has never been her forte, and her tragedy is too overdone in this. Anil Kapoor comes and goes, with the only sane character to play, but being himself more than anything. Sharmila Tagore cast as Aamir Khan?s grandmother felt so wrong! The fabulous actress, who was in her fifties at the time, is unrecognizable under a deck up of at least 80 year old woman, who appears very briefly only to pile on some more depression by dying in the second half.

"I am a Cinderella waiting for a Prince."

"But when he brings a shoe he won?t recognize you since you have no legs now."

"You lil shit!"

Logic has never really had place in Indra Kumar?s universe, while annoying over the top comedy thrived. Mann, which also stole a song or two from vintage European hits (here is one and here is another) is a confused movie trying to go from comedy into a tragic romance, much like Dil, but comedy is lame and tragic romance frustrating. The first half, made up of every wrong clich?, made me uncomfortable, the second half with its mopier than mopy ridiculousness made me roll my eyes till they almost stuck on the other part of my head.

"Good luck and break a leg, like you broke my heart."

(note on captions: Sorry for lame jokes. I don?t  mind Anil?s stache. The Cinderella comment was indeed made in the film. Except the ending. Of course.)

Dhoom 3

Directed by: Vijay Krishna Acharya

Starring: Aamir Khan, Abhishek Bachchan, Katrina Kaif, Uday Chopra, Jackie Shroff

Released: 2013

My rating: destroy every copy ? horrible ? bad ? whatever ? flawed but enjoyable - shitastic - good ? great ? amazing

I feel that after this film I need to add one more word into my rating ? SHITASTIC. Because that is the only way how to describe how awesome and awful Dhoom 3 is (maybe I should call it ?awesful??). I thought the first movie of the franchise decent, the second absolutely horrendous. And this one just bloody ridiculous. But given I had my brain boiled by intense studying and was in a desperate need of letting everything just go for a moment, I ended up enjoying this first class trash to the fullest.

Uday Sparrow.

First of all, I made a mistake listing the cast above. The correct order should be: Aamir Khan, Aamir Khan, supported by Aamir Khan, a bike, Aamir Khan, and some extras. What makes it a part of Dhoom franchise is not Jai and Ali, a duo of idiotic cops, but bikes doing mad shit and story so questionable you cannot take any bit of it seriously. It is not a masala film in that slightly rustic 80s style (that needs to die a quick death for the sake of humanity), it looks way more polished, almost slick, almost like a good movie. But then of course bikes ride on ropes and rickshaws break through numerous brick walls, and American police calls for help two of the most incompetent Indian cops who have screwed up every big case in the past. And by the time the big twist comes you have guessed already, but Jai Dixit has not.

Suddenly..... diorrhea.

Unlike previous Dhoom, which was just totally random, Aamir ? as Sahir AND Samar, is given a backstory. All the silliness that happens has a certain motivation, which at least gives it a frame, that kinda holds it all together. There is no shit (am using this word often in this review, am I not?) love story that would make you roll your eyes and wish the lovers dead already. On the other hand it is all about robbing a bank and yet not once you see the bank robbed (huh?), but the makers try to make up for it with ENDLESS bike/car chases that always end up with Aamir?s magical bike pulling off some magic trick. The circus showed in the prologue (which interestingly feels like something from the 20s instead of the year 1990) provides just really secondary magic tricks (no wonder the bank was not impressed), the new circus Aamir launches seems to have ONE show number that goes on every night and forever.

But I guess nobody cares about the reruns. As long as Ms. Kaif is wearing only glitter.

Aamir Khan has a constipated expression as Sahir and his act as Samar is actually painful. The film entirely belong to him still, even if his bulging muscles make him move rather uncomfortably. Abhishek Bachchan sports a frowned brow and grim stare all the time, it is obvious the makers had no idea what to do with him. Any random cop could have provoke the exact same things from Sahir and the character of Jai is really no longer required. As for Uday Chopra, he is in because everybody needs a sidekick they can pester and Jai ain?t no different. 

No clever caption. I just loved her hair.

Katrina Kaif has about 20 minutes in the film (that already includes 3 songs). She fits the role. She is quite cute and no acting histrionics are required anyway. Dhoom girl is about sex appeal, good looks and glamour, all of which she provides generously, and for the first time ever I truly appreciated her dancing. She was REALLY good, and only few bits of choreography made her look awkward. Most importnatly her character does not refer to herself in third person (Sunehri was really pissing me off with this in Dhoom 2. Like who the hell does that?) It felt good to see Jackie Shroff in his cameo, he was reliable as always, although his character was one whacko of a ?loving? father.

I set fire to the box! Bow down to my magic, bitches!

Songs blend in well with the film ? the best one by far is Malang. All that money they put into picturization definitely paid of. The number is SPECTACULAR and must have been amazing to experience on big screen. On the other hand Aamir Khan should apologize for that tap dance in the beginning. Camera work is beautiful, and the only technical aspect that was not up to mark were special effects. The amount of cars crashed and flying through the air must have made Rohit Shetty green with envy.

Dhoom 3 is definitely the best of the horrible franchise. It is awful but extremely entertaining. So bad it?s good. All glamour, no substance or logic. And apparently every criminal prefers to throw themselves off the cliff rather than be arrested by Jai Dixit.

Do you think he charged producer twice?

PK

Directed by: Rajkumar Hirani

Starring: Aamir Khan, Anushka Sharma, Saurabh Shukla, Boman Irani, Sanjay Dutt

Released: 2014

My rating: destroy every copy ? horrible ? bad ? whatever ? flawed but enjoyable - good ? great ? amazing

I love Raju Hirani and his films. They are cheeky, provokative, yet essentially ?good at heart?, working with characters that go easily over the top, but still remain believable. Even if they are an alien, and even if the same faces have been used by the same director in his previous ventures, as figures very much unforgettable.

PK share much of its features with both E.T. and OMG Oh My God (starring Paresh Rawal and Akshay Kumar, and which I hear was also a take on some English film), so while this time it is not about being innovative and original, it is still about skillful filmmaking and cinema which can both entertain and educate. Certainly we should be grateful when a film like PK becomes a massive hit, instead of the mindless masala, at least once upon a time. Also thank God (the asli wala) that the film stayed away from much of romantic moping or emotional revelations, which would inevitably slowed the narrative down (It was not about romantic love anyway, so why dilute it.)

Aamir Khan gives a commendable performance, and while the biggest strength of PK is in the way his dialogues have been written more than anything, when his extravagant weirdness stops bothering you after a while, he slips into the role effortlessly. Anushka Sharma is a natural performer and one gets happy just seeing her twinkling eyes. Whatever she has been doing with the lower part of her face is completely her business and I do not judge her for it, but yes, I must admit in some scenes her mouth area was as distracting as Katrina?s lips in Jab Tak Hai Jaan. Saurabh Shukla appears and makes quite an impression as a mean religious leader, while the erst of the cast divide some special appearances. Boman Irani, I felt, got the mean deal. Given he has been such a power in Hirani?s previous movies, here he has nothing to work with at all. Sanjay Dutt is funny, and his shocking demise.... well.... shocking to say the least. The special appearance by Ranbir Kapoor at the end would have been an extremely pleasant surprise, had it not good friend tumblr ruined it for me just days after the film release.

PK, unfortunately, does not reach the higher than high standards set by Hirani himself with his previous films (namely 3 Idiots and above all Munnabhai MBBS). Half-an-hour-too-long, while it carries a fantastic message, it lacks any true drama to drive the plot. One feels for PK, but there is not a single moment when one would not expect him to return home eventually. Finally, the last twenty minutes seem sloppy. The whole explanation of ?how maybe Sarfaraaz probably did not ditch you ever thought of that? felt forced and over-constructed (does this word even exist?). Also, if you have a huge lasting fight over religion on national TV, there should be a grand conclusion, but the viewer is robbed of the experience, as the climax remains underplayed and underwhelming. Few times I also had to remind myself to be tolerant when it came to a fine line between humour and crude humour, without which Hirani seemingly cannot do (though I admit the dancing car was funny). The movie lacks memorable soundtrack.

When it comes of the specific theme of religion and how it became a big money spinning business, Rawal?s OMG remains superior. PK is more cute, with a hero and heroine more to the mainstream tastes, and on a grander scale. It carries the Raju Hirani signature: it is light-hearted, funny yet touching, all that just somehow little less than usual.

Mann

Directed by: Indra Kumar

Starring: Aamir Khan, Manisha Koirala, Anil Kapoor, Sharmila Tagore

Released: 1999

My rating: destroy every copy ? horrible ? bad ? whatever ? flawed but enjoyable - good ? great ? amazing

I sincerely, honestly believe that the ONLY thing that ever made indra Kumar?s films work was Madhuri Dixit. Apart from Dil, which I consider a good film, even if flawed, Beta and Raja were only bearable because of her awesomeness and talent, and everything after that I have seen of his work just plain sucks. Mann is no different.

I write poetry in my spare time. Love me.

There is so much wrong with the plot! A severely mopy Sati Savitri Manisha falls in love with a cheater and a liar because he loves his grandmom. Because him being able to appreciate the old lady equals, in Manisha?s eyes, to being a good person. In fact, the character played by Aamir Khan is repulsive, unlikeable asshole and womanizer, who enjoys being creepy. The lengths he goes to while ?wooing? women would get him a restraining order in real life. Yet she falls in love with him, is jealous of girls he pays attention to, even though she has rejected him before. By the time the movie reached the interval I was ripping my hair out of frustration and sheer disbelief. Then the asshole-ish hero turns good and full of izzat overnight. How am I supposed to buy that?

"What the..."

"Do I turn you on?"

"Totally!"

In the second half of the film we are served a completely different story. That of selfless love and that you should look around before crossing the road. Manisha?s face is all swollen throughout and her glycerin-tears-stained cheeks can only be equaled by Jaya Bachchan?s from Kabhi Khusi Kabhi Ghum. Because our heroine lost both her legs! From extreme ?hilarity? the movie sinks into extreme depression, and everything is so theatrical you just wonder what has the director do to make all these good actors act so terribly. 

So hot.

I was irked by so many things in the story, but the greatest outrage was perhaps when Manisha admits to the headmistress of the orphanage (where she had grown up) that she doesn?t want to marry the cheerful and genuinely nice Anil Kapoor (whom I did not expect in the least to show up), because she loves the womanizing stalker. She is then lectured on how she has no right whatsoever to follow her heart and be actually honest with her fianc?, because, you know, there is a chance he just might turn into a lunatic and go crazy because of that. And also: certainly, if she dares to refuse him, nobody will ever marry a girl from an orphanage again. Like WTF.

"Was my moustache not pervy enough for you, biatch?"

Aamir Khan is at his annoying worst (I think I read he regretted doing the film? It would definitely make sense.) Manisha looks disturbingly ill, I had to wonder whether she had some issues with her health off screen. Comedy has never been her forte, and her tragedy is too overdone in this. Anil Kapoor comes and goes, with the only sane character to play, but being himself more than anything. Sharmila Tagore cast as Aamir Khan?s grandmother felt so wrong! The fabulous actress, who was in her fifties at the time, is unrecognizable under a deck up of at least 80 year old woman, who appears very briefly only to pile on some more depression by dying in the second half.

"I am a Cinderella waiting for a Prince."

"But when he brings a shoe he won?t recognize you since you have no legs now."

"You lil shit!"

Logic has never really had place in Indra Kumar?s universe, while annoying over the top comedy thrived. Mann, which also stole a song or two from vintage European hits (here is one and here is another) is a confused movie trying to go from comedy into a tragic romance, much like Dil, but comedy is lame and tragic romance frustrating. The first half, made up of every wrong clich?, made me uncomfortable, the second half with its mopier than mopy ridiculousness made me roll my eyes till they almost stuck on the other part of my head.

"Good luck and break a leg, like you broke my heart."

(note on captions: Sorry for lame jokes. I don?t  mind Anil?s stache. The Cinderella comment was indeed made in the film. Except the ending. Of course.)