Hey gang! It?s time for another addition of Rev. Ron?s Realities!
If you didn?t catch the first time I did this, you can see
it right here. Also, if you?re wondering
what the heck Rev. Ron?s Realities is, well here?s a quick once over: This is a new segment where, if an extra or
a minor character in a film catches my eye or a specific plot point tickles my
fancy, and I create a completely fictional history (or ?reality?) behind this point
or character. I previous did it with the
story behind the purchase of the intellectual property of Jurassic World and
now I?m turning my sights on San Andreas.
So, if you?re ready (and if you?re not, I?ll give you a minute before
you keep reading?ready now?) let?s go!
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| The sequel will have The Rock taking on the quake in a Hell in the Cell match. |
Recently I watched The ?Dwayne Johnson? Rock in the 2015
disaster flick San Andreas. If you?re
curious about my review, check it out here, but there was a scene where Dwayne
Johnson?s character?s daughter Blake (Alexandra Daddario) is accompanying her
mother?s boyfriend to his office in downtown San Francisco. While there, she meets a nice British man and
his brother but what caught my eye was an extra in the background who gives a
cocky look towards them. So, I got to
wondering what brought him there and what the hell happened to him during the
insanity of the gigantic earthquake.
 |
| The guy in the back, not the kid. |
This man is named Robert Klimmer. He?s single and has been living in San
Francisco for nearly 15 years now. He
went to college at a decent school where he majored in architectural
design. Daniel Riddick, the boyfriend to
The Rock?s ex-wife, runs a very lucrative business and, like the man Blake met,
Robert is hoping to work for him and is there for an interview. Blake, if you?ve seen the film, is a bit of a
nervous type and Robert is more of a borderline cocky and arrogant type?which
explains why he smugly gives Blake and the group a cock-eyed glance.
 |
| Ah, San Fran. The Big Apple as they call it. |
Sure, Robert is full of himself but he has reason to
be. Growing up he always did well in
school, he aced every course in college and has always been swarmed by
beautiful women. When he woke up that
morning (after an excellent night?s sleep), he had a fantastic morning jog, his
pre-shower bowl movement went well and had an excellent consistency that
reminded him that he has a great diet and his drive to the coffee shop (where
they got his order correct, they wrote his name on the cup correctly and was served quickly) and then to the office was met
with absolutely no traffic. Mr. Klimmer
has reason to be arrogant, is what I?m saying because he is clearly living his
life with a goddamn rabbit?s foot up his tush.
 |
| Not Shown, Robert's tush. |
Robert feels he?s a shoe-in for the job but right before the
office?s administrative assistant calls him in to meet with the hiring team,
the earthquake hits. He immediately
rushes towards the elevator?even though you shouldn?t be using it in this
emergency. The car takes a second to
arrive as the screaming masses of business professionals flee for their lives
around him and escape down the stairs.
Eventually, the elevator arrives with a *ding* and he calmly steps in
and rides the elevator down to the lobby.
Immediately after he steps out, a chunk of building sails down the
elevator shaft and destroys the car.
Thanking his lucky stars (or the rabbit foot in his butt), Robert flees
the building?and thinks he caught a glimpse of the company?s owner Daniel
Riddick screaming something about needing help.
However, he ignores this and runs into the street.
Maybe it?s because of the mix of excitement and terror or
maybe because his legs were toned from years of marathon running and daily
jogs, but Robert runs right through the entrance and literally into the
streets. A speeding cab, shaken by the
sudden movement of the tectonic plates and falling chunks of skyscrapers around
him, weaves around madly and barely misses Robert. The cab hits a parked car and the driver is
ejected. Robert takes a few steps in an
attempt to make it look like he is going to help the mortally wounded driver
but a large piece of the Riddick building embeds itself into the ground where
he was just standing. He glances up and
sees the entire building is on the verge of collapsing and decides that it?s
either him or death. Pumping his
well-toned calves, Robert decides to run.
 |
| Photo - Emma Kessinger "Crossfit, don't fail me now!" |
The architect pumps his arms and legs until he is completely
in the zone. He tunes out the sounds of destruction and the screams of help from the people around him. He has no time to help them. He?s Robert ?Fucking? Klimmer and he?s an
amazing architect with a bright future ahead of him. He can?t die now. It would be a disservice to the world and
reality as a whole.
Time flies by before Robert realizes that he?s been running
for nearly an hour and he finally takes a moment to stop. The tremors have stopped and the only sound
he hears is the sounds of emergency services and the aftermath of
destruction. He pulls a hankie from his
pocket and dabs the sweat off of his brow.
He chuckles to himself and can?t believe how lucky he is to
survive. ?And why not,? he thinks to
himself, ?I?ve always been lucky.
Nothing bad every happens to me.?
As his chuckling subsides, he turns to take in his
surroundings and realizes that he ran all the way to the seashore. With a sense of overall safety overtaking
him, Robert pulls out his cellphone and calls his mother. She answers weeping because she heard about
the ?quake on the news. ?It?s okay,
mom,? he reassures her. ?I?m fine, I
made it out. I didn?t get a chance to
have my job interview but, hey, there?s always tomorrow, right??
?What job interview?? his mother asked.
?At Riddick, mom? he says.
?Remember? I?m going to be their
next big architect.?
His mother remains silent for a long time before Robert
realizes she whispering to his father.
He can?t hear her because she probably has her hand over the phone but
it sounds like she said something about how she needs to tell him. ?Um, Robert,? she finally starts, ?there?s
something your father and I need to tell you.?
?W-what is it??
She hesitates for a second, ?It?s?well?you never actually
graduated from college.?
?What?? Robert exclaimed in utter shock.
?You failed every class and your teachers said that you
didn?t have what it takes to be an architect.?
?I-I don?t understand, mom.? Robert said bewildered.
?We paid your teachers to give you good grades,? she quietly
replied. ?We know we shouldn?t have done
it but you were so proud of your perceived achievements.
Sure, you were just handing in pictures of houses drawn with crayons?and
even one time you drew a horsey?but we couldn?t bear to see you have your dream
destroyed.?
?That horsey was a horse-themed nightclub, mom!? Robert
screamed.
 |
| *Actual Photo* |
?It all spiraled out of control from there, sweetie,? his
mother groaned. ?We struck a deal with
the school to let you think you were attending and even had them print up a
fake diploma for you. ?
?Fake diploma??
 |
| It seems so legit though... |
?And then there was paying for your apartment because you
kept sending your landlord photocopies of dollar bills?which is illegal,
honey,? she continued. ?And then there
are the monthly checks we send to the coffee shop to make sure your favorite
coffee is ready when you get there and all the prostitutes we pay for so you
think the girls like you??
?Prostitutes??
She sighs, ?If your father and I knew how hard this raising
a child thing would be I don?t know if we would have ever adopted you in the
first place??
?I?m adopted, too?!?? Robert screamed.
?Oh honey,? his mother sweetly stated, ?I?m so sorry to be
unloading this on you right now. I know
you were just through something horrendous but your running skills are all
you. Oh, you always loved to run. You would yell, ?Look at me mama, I?m a bird?
as you ran. Granted, you didn?t know
what birds were at the time but you were 13?you were so young.?
 |
| He still doesn't know what birds are, to be honest. |
Robert dropped the phone even though his mother kept
talking. Her buzzing voice coming out
the speaker faded away and was replaced by an approaching roar from the
distant. He slowly turned towards the
shore and saw a giant wave approaching the city. That must be one of those tornadoes he heard
about?at least, he thinks they?re called a tornado. With a sigh, Robert looked down and saw he
was still clutching his portfolio he was going to give to the executive. He slowly opened the folder and saw all his
bright colored pictures of hippos, sunflowers and a UFO with waving aliens in
it. They would have loved those
nightclubs, he thought to himself as the tsunami hit the shore and everything
went black.
 |
| Before everything went black, it went a blueish/greenish/whitish color. |
On the other end of the phone call, his mother stopped
speaking when she realized that Robert wasn?t replying. She tried to call again but the phone went right to
voicemail. With trembling hands, she
turned off the phone and turned to her husband.
?Do you think he?s okay??
?He better be,? her husband replied, ?we spend a lot of
money to have that rabbit?s foot put in his small intestine when we adopted
him.?
At that moment, Robert?s dark world started to brighten as
his eyes opened. He didn?t remember the
wave hitting him or how he got to where he was but he found himself floating on
a buoyant piece of office furniture. He
pushed himself up to a sitting position and gazed at all the destruction around
him. He chuckled slightly to himself,
?Stupid tornado.?
|
| Also, he never got another chance to try and get the job because... well...it would be Spoilers for the film if I told you. That, and Robert was clearly not qualified. |
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