San Andreas - 3 out of 5
There was a time when disaster films were all the rage?possibly during a time when people actually used the phrase ?all the rage.? Since that majestic time in days gone by, the disaster film has sorta become the laughing stock of the movie world. Sometimes, when they are combined in other genres like science fiction, you can make a popcorn disaster film that is a lot of fun to watch; think Independence Day. Other times you get disaster films that are just?um?laughable; think The Day After Tomorrow or 2012. And then you get a disaster film that feels like it will be laughable but they put The ?Dwayne Johnson? Rock in it and you have a decent and fairly fun and exciting disaster feature called San Andreas.
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| "If this fault line smells what I'm cooking." |
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| An earthquake just happened but they had to stop to watch two dogs fighting over the remains of a homeless guy who died. |
A Caltech seismologist Lawrence Hayes (Paul Giamatti) is
testing a model for predicting earthquakes and discovers that the San Andreas
Fault (oh, that?s how they got the name) is shifting like a mofo and all hell
is about to break loose in the most scientifically inaccurate but cinematically
climatic fashion. When Mother Nature
gets her whole lotta shakin? going on, an LA Fire Department Air Rescue pilot
named Ray (Dwayne ?The People?s Champion? Johnson) finds that his family is
stuck in the growing destruction. Hoping
to lay the smack down on the ?quake and possible hit it with the Rock Bottom or
the People?s Elbow, Ray sets out to save his ex-wife (Carla Gugino) and his
daughter Blake (Alexandra Daddario), before the entire state of California is
leveled and sent packing into the ocean.
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| "This earthquake is due to Starbucks' denial of Christ and their red cups!" |
When I sit down to watch films like this one, I?m not
expecting intricate dialogue, rich characters or complex narratives. That would be silly. When I start up a film like San Andreas, I
want epic scenes of destruction and characters that are just developed enough
to make me care for them. For what the
film is trying to be, this movie isn?t too bad, fairly exciting and fun and
with its moments of tension.
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| Hey, Kylie Minoque is in the film...I won't spoil for how short of a time though. |
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| "Tell the Titanic that I've always loved her!" |
Like I stated, the characters in this film aren?t that
developed or that deep and are just developed enough to care about them. It?s doesn?t hurt that the cast of Johnson,
Gugino and Daddario are pretty decent in their roles, either. The story also introduces some characters who
team with Blake to try and rendezvous with her father and this introduction
offers up a nice development in the story; one that turns the usual damsel in
distress plot thread on its ear. Before
the quake hits, Blake meets a young man named Ben (Hugo Johnstone) and his
brother Ollie (Art Parkinson) and usually this development in a film would mean
that Ben is around to make sure Blake doesn?t get killed and is here to protect
her and see her reunite with her dad.
Sure, Ben does the initial rescue after the boyfriend of Blake?s mom
(played by Ioan Gruffudd) deserts her; however, after this point, Blake is in
charge and she leads the team to safety.
It was actually really refreshing to see the film intentionally not go
the clich? route?especially considering that a film like this is cemented
firmly in a foundation of formulaic sequences and a routine story.
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| It's really unsettling to realize that The Rock was hitting A LOT of bodies as he piloted that boat through the flooded city. |
Visually, the film looks cool and there?s a lot of disaster
spectacle going on: Tons of skyscrapers
collapsing, a tsunami, fires and a whole lot of shit hitting the fan around
every corner. Sure, we get the cheap and
easy sequences where you think the main characters are in peril and they pull
through but the director really set up these sequences successfully and if made you feel, even for a millisecond, like
they really won?t pull through. These visuals also result in a CG smorgasbord to create this orgy of destruction but, in the end, the CG is
pretty good. There are moments when it
didn?t look the best but, overall, the computer effects were effective in
creating the reality of LA crumbling down.
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| If Carla Gugino is trapped in a earthquake-destroyed city, we move heaven and hell to get her back. She's too precious to us to lose. |
On the negative side, the story is very formulaic and not
much different from other disaster films.
In fact, if it wasn?t for the cast, locale and minor plot points, it?s
nearly indistinguishable from other films of this ilk.
Additionally, the story laughably, and in a grossly over-the-top way,
vilifies the character of Daniel Riddick; Ioan Gruffudd?s character. Obviously, the story wants you to dislike him
because he?s the new boyfriend of The Rock?s ex-wife and you want the story to
get them back together but the entire production is going laughably out of its
way to make him a complete and utter piece of shit. He abandons his girlfriend?s daughter and
pushes innocent people out of the way and into the path of destruction?also,
he?s rich, so take that 1 percenters!
This wouldn?t have been an issue if the story didn't introduce him as a fairly
decent person and if their turn to make him someone you want to see die by
either being swallowed by shifting tectonic plates or falling towers wasn?t so
ridiculously over-the-top.
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| I'm assuming the reason they were so hard on Gruffudd's character was, at the time, he was in the bad Fantastic Four film. A status that has since been changed to the adequate Fantastic Four film. |
As far as disaster movies go, San Andreas is fairly
entertaining. It does suffer from a
story that feels like it was crafted thanks to the powers of a disaster movie
generator and the plot?s treatment of Daniel feels petty?not to mention that,
like all disaster films, if you think too long about what is happening, you
have to come to terms with the fact you are watching thousands upon thousands
of innocent people dying and are made to care about only a small handful of
these people?but despite this, the film does have some wicked visuals, has a
great cast and does a fantastic job of creating scenes that made my palms sweat
and put me on the edge of my seat.
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| Wait! Colton Haynes was in this film?!? Get back to Starling City...I miss you on Arrow. |
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